Visits

Today was a visit day for Nick... so on our way to daycare I talk to him about how his worker will come to pick him up and he will have a visit that day. He listens intently and shakes his head, babbles a little then goes back to playing with his ball. I know he doesn't understand what I'm telling him, but someday he will so I get in the habit of telling him every Monday and/or Thursday.

His birth mother typically only comes either Monday or Thursday. She has only made both visits in one week on two occasions and that was at the beginning of the case. This week she failed to come to any visits. She was supposed to be there today. The worker picked him up from daycare and then she didn't show up at the office. When she was called she had yet another excuse as to why she wasn't there.

These days are rough on Nick. His daily routine is thrown off and he refuses to take a nap at daycare, which makes him extremely crabby, clingy and whiny by the time I pick him up to go home. Or if it's a particularly bad day, he will scream and cry until he goes to bed... which is frustrating and so hard to watch him go through. The evenings at home on visit days are short; eat dinner, play a bit (if possible), bath and bedtime by 7 p.m. Then we wait for tomorrow to come hoping that he's back to his more normal happy, giggly self.

How do you help a 14 month old understand the life that he has to live right now? How do you explain to him visits with a birth mama? Answer: You can't. That's hard.